Hostage Rescuers Intervene as A Cappella Concert Enters Third Hour


AMHERST, Ma. – U.S. Special Forces operatives intervened Wednesday to rescue students detained in an Amherst College a cappella concert that was entering its third hour.

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Fatemi, Itinerant Musician Indicted on Embezzlement Charges


Mugshots courtesy of the Hampshire County Jail.

AMHERST, Ma. – The Northwestern District Attorney’s office unveiled felony embezzlement and conspiracy charges against Amherst College Assistant Dean of Students Hannah Fatemi and traveling performer Ben Haggerty on Sunday after Haggerty admitted to a plot to siphon funds from a College account.

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Fraternities Set to Convert Alpine Commons into ‘Frat Castle’


AMHERST, Ma. – Members of Amherst College’s Chi Psi, Delta Kappa Epsilon, and Fraternity Formerly Known as Theta Delta Chi fraternities ratified a proposal Wednesday to move all three organizations’ rising senior members into the Alpine Commons apartment complex.  The proposal, introduced at last night’s meeting of the Society of Amherst Fraternity Conspirators, embraces Amherst Dean of Residential Life Torin Moore’s friendly invitation to members of the college’s Class of 2014 to live in the complex to alleviate a projected campus housing shortage next year.

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Scott Brown Slams AAS Budgetary Committee over Honorarium for Scott Brown


AMHERST, Ma. – Unemployed politician and former United States senator Scott Brown (R-Ma.) delivered a rousing speech in Amherst College’s Johnson Chapel on Saturday, deriding the Association of Amherst Students for funding the honorarium for former United States senator Scott Brown (R-Ma.). Citing minutes from the AAS Budgetary Committee meeting on January 30, Brown noted that not a single member of the committee expressed concern about the long term financial impact of a $10,000 expenditure, and that calculations into the present discounted value of the transaction were done without attention to future interest rates and Amherst’s declining S&P credit rating. “Ultimately, it is you students and you alumni who are going to be picking up the tab for this,” the former Massachusetts state senator said. “And let’s be honest:  This isn’t going to be cheap.”



MUCK-RAKE ELECTION CENTER – The Amherst Muck-Rake projects that Barack Obama has won re-election as president of the United States, defeating former Massachusetts governor Mitt Romney to retain his office for four more years.  The Muck-Rake bases its projection on preliminary vote totals and a variety of state and national exit polls.  Obama’s victory marks the re-election of the first African American president and the culmination of a hard-fought, nearly-two-year contest.  However, The Muck-Rake also projects that the Republican Party will retain control of the U.S. House of Representatives in the 113th Congress, presumably empowering the president’s opponents in critical year-end negotiations over the pending “fiscal cliff.”

Reports: HanukkaPalooza Better than Julie Wiener’s Bat Mitzvah

Better than Julie's

LEWIS-SEBRING COMMONS – Several attendees at the Amherst College Hillel-sponsored HanukkahPalooza lavished the event with rave reviews, calling it better than Julie Wiener’s bat mitzvah in 2005.  ”I can’t believe I’m saying this,” said Rachel Greenbaum ’15, “but ChannukahPalooza was better that Julie Wiener’s bat mitzvah.”

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