AMHERST, Ma. – Half of the editors of The Amherst Muck-Rake expressed confusion Sunday as to why the other half of the venerable news source’s editorial management chose to change its website’s banner to read “Salsa Rancho’s **Spicy** Muck-Rake; Cinco de Mayo Edition.”
AMHERST, Ma. – U.S. Special Forces operatives intervened Wednesday to rescue students detained in an Amherst College a cappella concert that was entering its third hour.
AMHERST, Ma. – Supportive family and friends cheered the hard work and wonderful stories of the Amherst Student “staff” Wednesday after the roll-out of the “newspaper’s” April Fools edition. “Great job,” numerous attendees told the publication’s writers over a celebratory “feast” of Chex Mix and Lorna Doones in the Student’s makeshift “newsroom” as educators urged the team to give itself “a big round of applause.”
AMHERST, Ma. – An enraged college Director of Media Relations Caroline Hanna refused to distribute the Amherst College e-Digest Wednesday, plunging the liberal arts college into chaos as students, faculty, and staff struggled helplessly to determine the week’s announcements, meetings, and events.
AMHERST, Ma. — The Amherst College Program Board revealed the school’s spring-concert artist as Macklemore on Tuesday, reporting that concert chair Peter Crane ’15 had picked up the rapper for a “killer bargain” after he was dropped from Williams College’s spring concert.
AMHERST, Ma. – Discovery Communications announced Wednesday that James Larimore, the itinerant dean of students and celebrity host of the hit TLC show “Dean of Mean,” will shoot his next episode at Amherst College, “storming” the beleaguered school this April for a “top-to-bottom power-cleaning that takes this dry, sexist hellhole from worst to first.”