Muck-Rake Founders Ordered Off Campus

‘Nice Work, Adam,’ Martin Sneers at Public Hearing

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Seaborne Multicultural Resource Center Dispatched to Pakistan

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GOMA, Democratic Republic of the Congo – Following what Amherst College President Carolyn “Biddy” Martin hailed as its “highly successful” mission to Congo’s ethnically charged North Kivu region, the college’s seaborne Multicultural Resource Center deployed to Karachi, Pakistan Friday to quell Hindu-Muslim tensions that threaten to destabilize already-tense Indian-Pakistani military relations and that fail to appreciate the value of inclusion in our diverse community of learning.

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Campus Leaders Gather for Solemn Anniversary of Pond Annexation

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WAR MEMORIAL, Amherst College – Amid the baritone tolling of a lone Johnson Chapel bell, Amherst College students and faculty gathered Friday to commemorate the 30th anniversary of the Pond Annexation. Following an invocation by Rabbi Bruce Seltzer, remembrances began in earnest as Justin Czoaski ’13 read the names of those afflicted by the atrocity that has scarred the Amherst campus for over three decades. With Amherst College President Carolyn “Biddy” Martin and other dignitaries looking on, the Rev. Dr. Paul Sorrentino asked the assembly for a moment of silence before inviting any individual in attendance to offer his or her own words. In remarks that appeared to touch the hearts of all of those present, Sean Masterson ’15, a resident of the Pond Annex, said that he “was just really fucking sick of looking at the thing.”