“I would have gotten dates the normal way, by saying my name and waiting for chicks to Google my father, but I figured this would be more direct. I’m really happy to be helping out with Cystic Tonsillitis Efforts in Guatelamala by smashing smokes, it’s pretty much a win-win for everyone. And if I get stood up by anyone, either the ladies or the dudes I also bought so they could watch the dates from outside, those kids are fucked.”