Beneski Adds DVD Box Set of TV Show Bones to Fossil Collection


bones beneski


AMHERST, MA – Following an anonymous alumni donation, Beneski Museum of Natural History completed its collection of long dead fossils this week by adding a full DVD box set of Bones. “Booth and Bones had incredible sexual tension,” museum educator Alfred Venne explained to an eager boy in his tour group. “They’re the key to this whole thing. They had a real will-they-won’t-they relationship in the earlier seasons that drove people capital-W Wild. Not to spoil too much, but they totally bang. Forget this fossil junk kid,” he said, resting a Season 1 Disk on a Dryosaurus rib. “This stuff right here is the real deal.”

When asked how he felt about the new exhibit, Mr. Venne stated “All the old dinosaur skeletons never really did much for me. I mean, they’re dead, big whoop. But when we got this DVD box set, complete with deleted scenes and cast commentary, I knew my years of toil in this glorified mausoleum were worth it.”

Mr. Venne, slowly caressing his face with a Bones Season 3 DVD, also revealed his plan to remove each Beneski exhibit until only the Bones box set remains. “I’m still writing the petition, but once I get enough signatures the museum fat-cats will have to toss these creepy skeletons out of here.” When Muck-Rake correspondents pressed him to explain his reasoning, Venne became defensive. “Kids keep getting distracted by the mammoth skeleton and other fossils during my tours. They ignore my list of the top ten Bones Season 2 production mistakes and imagine live mammoth births instead. This is supposed to be a place of learning, and the fossils are getting in the way of that.”

Although many share Venne’s enthusiasm for the new exhibit, there do exist critics within the Amherst community, namely Professor Murphy of the Geology department. Professor Murphy voiced her concerns in an interview with the Muck-Rake earlier today in Beneski. Professor Murphy asked that she remain anonymous. To respect her wishes, we ask that you do not read her name when it appears in this article. “I’m worried that a huge attraction like the Bones DVD box set might overshadow the exhibit I curated: Rocks, An Evolving Technology?” said Professor Murphy, gesturing toward the pretty big geode she had on display. “See this? Well, I think it’s cool!”

Trembling as she spoke, Professor Murphy added: “When I voiced my concerns to Biddy, she talked me down by calling in another professor and firing her on the spot. ‘There there’ she said.”

Other critics have emerged as well. “To be honest, it’s a real missed opportunity,” lamented  Ricky Morrison ‘19 as he looked wistfully through Beneski’s glass panes. “With the money Beneski spent on this exhibit, they could have easily afforded to purchase the full box sets for both NUMB3RS and The Mentalist.”