To help put the savings of a new cable policy into perspective for students, the Amherst IT department has released a list of potential purchases that could be made with the savings. The list, which many experts are heralding as “accurate,” “redundant,” and “I know how much $100,000 costs,” is as follows:

• Giant clothespins in every dorm
• An old science center
• The avocados Val promises us if we would stop stealing plates
• Another office for professor Sarat
• An actual mammoth
• Only Brazzers on every TV on campus
• A Robocop suit for a certain Amherst College police officer
• Less than half the monetary value of an Amherst education
• Infinitely more than the real value of an Amherst education
• 100,000 $1 bills
• 60 channel-cable for every student on campus

Choose wisely, Amherst!