“I just don’t want to sign my soul away to a bank,” says Senior with Worthless Soul

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Steadying his elbow with his offhand during a game of beer pong, Theodore Piedros ’18 told the Muck-Rake that he doesn’t want to sign his undesirable soul away to a bank. “I just think it would be so spirit-crushing and oppressive” Piedros explained as he stomped on an empty Keystone and threw it at a Freshman on his team. At press time, Piedros’ soul was mansplaining Communism to his superego.

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