Hate Crimes This Early in Year “Unprecedented,” say Racial Climate Scientists

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AMHERST, MA – Following the discovery of a rope tied into a noose on Pratt Field, racial climate scientists have released a statement calling the amount of oppression this early in the year “unprecedented.” “Usually racism, sexism, and transphobia emerges in the later fall and early winter, when people are cold and have nothing better to do than post on the internet or write slurs on bathroom mirrors,” says Danielle Hall, a researcher with the NOAA (National Ombudsmen of Amherst Alienation). “Now people aren’t even waiting until add-drop ends to tear down posters denouncing the KKK.” To avoid the most extreme effects of Amherst’s racial climate, officials recommend students stay off Facebook, be a straight white man, or put your fingers in your ears whenever anybody discusses marginalization.