Men’s Lacrosse Team Goes on Sixteen-Mile Charity Run: BASTARDS!

Screen Shot 2016-11-30 at 8.35.16 PM.png

OPINION – We here at the Muck-Rake often tease and mock the men’s lacrosse team. They’re fratty, atypically conservative, privileged, and whiter than the purest alabaster. Over 80% of our articles published this semester in some way derided men’s lacrosse. We take pride in that number. It wasn’t easy…but, actually, it was very easy.

But golly! We didn’t realize that it had become socially acceptable to falsely accuse an entire team of rape because they had the sheer nerve to be excited about raising $35,000 for charity. Neat-o!

We would like to thank the social justice vigilantes of Facebook, who had the insight and bravery to call out the lacrosse team on their charity bullshit. No doubt each and every one of the team’s Facebook critics has run thousands of trail miles and raised millions of dollars for charity, making the “sacrifice” of the “colonizing” lacrosse team, who ran to help build computer labs in Ghanian orphanages, seem paltry by comparison.

We were just gonna make fun of them because their video was over the top and had trash editing. However, going forward, we vow to make wild and unsubstantiated claims in the name of truth, justice, Facebook likes, and being #woke.

The next time someone on lax helps an elderly woman across the street, saves a young child from a burning building, or solves the Middle East, we will not hesitate to mock them and accuse them of racketeering, arson, and Benghazi.

Dutifully Yours,

Writers of the Muck-Rake