Things To Do Before You Graduate!

Graduation-1.jpgAs the academic year comes to a close, many graduating seniors realize that there’s still much they haven’t done on campus. Fret not! You still have a few more days to realize those fulfilling experiences. While everyone may have their own items to knock of their Amherst bucket list, we’d like to provide a few suggestions here.

Before you graduate, you should try to…

  • pee in all of the bathrooms on campus
  • pee in Pratt Pool
  • pee in your pants in all of the bathrooms on campus
  • pee in the mastodon bones
  • pee on BW_UniPrint on A-Level
  • pee on Color_UniPrint on A-Level (takes forever!)
  • pee in Biddy’s yard
  • pee in Biddy’s palm
  • pee on Biddy’s dog while Biddy’s dog is peeing
  • write a letter to a professor who changed your life
  • pee on the letter
  • pee while biking to Smudd
  • pee on an elliptical
  • pee on the lacrosse team
  • pee in an empty elevator
  • pee in completely full elevator
  • pee on the Laundry Shitter
  • pee in Val soup (or ancient grains, if soup is not available)
  • pee on your Pathways Mentor
  • pee while giving a tour
  • pee on your least favorite painting in the Mead
  • pee on whoever gave you chlamydia
  • pee in the Merrill Women’s bathroom (if you can find it, that is)
  • pee in one of those weird pods on the second floor of Frost
  • pee in the Rotherwas Room
  • pee in the wrong GroupMe (shit, sorry, wrong GroupMe!)
  • pee on Ol’ Bobby Frost
  • pee while waiting to get into the Health Center (so you can get tested for chlamydia)
  • pee on the war memorial
  • pee in the Map Room
  • pee on a different elliptical
  • pee into the Val rowboat
  • pee on someone who you think writes for the Muck-Rake
  • pee while reading this list
  • pee on Henry (Fuck you, Henry!)
  • pee on the Chainsmokers
  • pee on the most useless dean
  • hike the Notch (pee up there – obvi)

Dear readers:

Congratulations on making it to the end of this list. We salute your grit and determination. You may have been wondering why we haven’t posted very much content these past couple  weeks. It’s not because we’ve been busy with papers, projects, midterms or finals. Nay, each of these responsibilities has taken a backseat to far more important matters. In fact, the reason for our lack of content has been our day and night dedication, over the last two weeks, to the construction of this list of campus locations in and on which to pee. We are proud of our work. We are tired now, and shall rest.

Yours,

The Writers of the Muck-Rake

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