Report: Chainsmokers Still in Pond


Amherst, MA —“Yo, you guys have any more beer?” said the one with the hair. “Sucks they’re tearing the socials down, man, where else can we pull fire alarms for fun on a Thursday?”

At press time it was reported that the Chainsmokers had been placed in a pretty shitty single in Mayo-Smith, despite a decent room draw ranking and only being younger than several members of the Men’s Hockey Team.