New AAS Sworn in to Serve Student Body (on Their Resumes)


Amherst, MA – Monday evening, new members of the Association of Amherst Students (AAS) officially took an oath to lead the Amherst community (on their resumes). The ceremony, overseen by President Biddy C. Martin, was both moving and impressive to future employers. The inauguration of the new student government began as each student placed his or her left hand on a copy of Joyce Kennedy’s bestseller, Getting a Job for Dummies.

President Martin then read, “Do you swear to use strong action verbs, such as ‘streamlined’ and ‘accomplished’ while describing this position on your resume?”

The new AAS whole-heartedly replied, “I do.”

She continued, “Do you promise to fudge how many hours you actually spend working for AAS on your CV?”

“I do,” the student government affirmed, with tears of joy rolling down the cheeks of some eager freshmen senators.

The former student government looked on approvingly, while sending quick emails to confirm times for their upcoming interviews.

Biddy proceeded, “Do you swear to take on the responsibility of referring to yourself in front of potential employers as a ‘liaison’ and as a ‘representative’?”

The students agreed, salivating at the thought of talking-up their nebulous positions.

She concluded with, “Do you swear to bring up this appointment in every job interview from now until your death, no matter how irrelevant?”

The AAS members responded with a resounding, “I do,” as fireworks in the shape of professional attire went off in front of Johnson Chapel.

A celebration, hosted by the Career Center, took place after the ceremony and was ripe with networking opportunities. We were able to receive a statement from one new senator during this time who commented, “This is an amazing opportunity to become a more active member of the Amherst community on my CV. I feel so passionate about telling people I cater to the needs of my fellow students.”

However, the festivities and statements were cut-short as the new student government members rushed off to update their resumes and cover letters just in time for those late internship deadlines.