Enjoying Warm Weather, Trustees Reaffirm Commitment to Fossil Fuels



“How great is this?!” exclaimed a short-sleeved Cullen Murphy, as he tended an enormous and apparently functionless coal fire raging in his backyard. “I say we divest from winter!”

The Board of Trustees has yet to release an official statement, but initial reports suggest a plan to double investments in crude oil and whaling by the second quarter of 2016.