Amherst, MA –As Winter formal season comes into full swing, romances blossom, alcohol flows freely, seasonal sports victories are celebrated and sisterly good will is fostered in the Panda East bathroom. This year, the restaurant’s staff celebrated the time honored tradition by organizing the first annual Panda Bathroom Sisterhood Summit.
On December 5th hundreds of current and former dates to men’s formals flocked to Panda to catch up on all the drama that acquaintances and strangers had slurred to them in their last group bathroom trip. In the spirit of the trades and handouts that happen organically in the line to pee, lip gloss, tissues, and condoms were provided by Amy- the matriarch of the Panda franchise and former honorary member of the now disbanded DKE fraternity. A dialogue focusing on the moral and social repercussions of sleeping with your date was facilitated by the wait staff, and counseling was provided for the 38 % of girls who reported having ruined their mascara drunk crying at the last function they attended.
Months of scientific observation preceded the summit. “A lot of these girls come from really different backgrounds, and sometimes there’s some hostility among girls from different schools in the pioneer valley,” says waiter Jim Sung. “But we find that on average, by the 43rd minute in the restaurant, girls from every walk of life required a trip to the bathroom, and as cliques converged, many realized that the common ground of intoxication and an overall dissatisfaction with the level of testosterone in the room was enough to form bonds that could last a lifetime”
The Summit received high praise from attendees, who were pleased to be reunited with girls who may otherwise have never crossed paths again. University of Massachusetts Junior Lizzie Healy was thrilled when she found fellow Football formal 2013 guest and Holyoke Sophomore Kendall Foreman.
“I forgot to get her number before we left the bathroom, but we totally bonded over how gross our drinks were, and she fixed the broken strap on my dress,” she enthusiastically told reporters.
Staff looks forward to another event next winter, and are proud of the strides they’ve helped make towards intercollegiate sisterhood under alcohol.