Live Blog Day 2: Amherst Uprising

amherst uprising

12:01 AM: The QRC carves out a space for itself on disputed second floor territory.

12:13 AM: The WGC, with its enormous supply of pizza, barters with the MRC for diet cokes.

12:32 AM: Sophomore Jim Fiver convinces his crush to come to A-Level, watch a Frost DVD, and chill.

1:13 AM: The ghost of Robert Frost begins to get irritated at the sleeping bags he’s tripping over.

1:25 AM: The leftover salads and numerous empty pizza boxes indicate that justice and healthiness are mutually exclusive.

2:12 AM: The Amherst Administration shows its disrespect for students sleeping in Frost by keeping the lights on.

3:24 AM: People begin to wonder if their classes were actually cancelled tomorrow, then begin to frantically grab calculators and furiously type out essay outlines.

11:03 AM: Amherst Uprising announces a partnership with Nike. Feel like biting a little chunk out of the nations race problem? Just do it!

12:22 PM: The first major media outlets begin covering the sit-in, and by “major” we mean anyone who’s willing to speak about a small liberal arts college.

5:02 PM: The first deadline passes, and Biddy officially requests an extension.

5:11 PM: The pain of hundreds of years of racial subjugation retold in the form of a wicked sax solo.

5:23 PM: Local pizza shop owners wonder if they should feature special deals for racially divided campuses.

5:34: The Amherst Uprising Media team wonders if selfies are a legitimate means of political expression.

6:02 PM: Two students announce Marsh Coffee Haus will be performed in Frost, and aspiring rapper Frank Povault ’18 figures that this is gonna finally be his big break.

6:07 PM: The “Biddy Committee” returns, and must wait for the fire department to approve the pyrotechnics that will accompany their announcement.

6:16 PM: Tomi returns, disheveled and broken from the deliberations. He croaks, “Lord Jeff… still stands,” before collapsing behind the circulation desk. The Media team demands that his story be told.

6:20 PM: Anti-Lord Jeff posters are distributed, and supporters are told to place them in the same place as the free speech posters, which leads the Muck-Rake to implore: Will this not create an endless cycle of poster-on-poster violence?

6:36 PM: The Glee Club shares their original song: “Smord Schmeffrey Schamherst”.

6:43 PM: Statisticians indicate prejudice 54% eradicated.

6:55 PM: Area jokester wonders why everyone’s so riled up about a free speech. “Usually I have to pay!” the jokester remarked.

7:11 PM: Anti-Lord Jeff posterers begin spreading their sheets of viral weaponry across campus.

7:24 PM: The “Biddy Committee”s job done, the Website committee begins to disseminate updates online, and the media committee speaks to the outside world. The food committee purchases more buffalo chicken, which is what Mahatma Gandhi ate during the liberation of India.

7:27 PM: In response to the glut of committees, the committee committee is formed to determine if there are enough committees.

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