Parents Still Asking About That Dude You Haven’t Seen Since Freshman Year


AMHERST, MA — During a lovely Family Weekend that included waiting in line outside of Lone Wolf and reciting platitudes about his not-yet-started and soon-to-be-abandoned History thesis, Alex Roberts ’16  had the yearly conversation with his mother in which she inquired about her son’s freshman hallmate she and her husband met once when they helped moved their son into South over three years ago. “Sweetie, oh my goodness, your room is a mess! I bet that nice boy that lived down the hall from you didn’t keep his room this messy. You know the one I’m talking about? How’s he doing? Will you tell him Dad and I are  so sorry we missed him last year. Or maybe we could tell him; can you invite him to dinner?”

Indeed, Roberts and “that nice boy” Jeff Allen ’15 haven’t seen each other a single time since their final day of freshman year, and to be totally honest after the second week of school only ever made passing small talk when they found themselves alone together in the bathroom or trying to use the common room microwave at the same time. During their sophomore year, Allen and Roberts lived in Stone and Tyler, respectively, and during their junior year they studied abroad in different continents during different semesters. Furthermore, Allen’s pre-med schedule meant that he and Roberts never once took a class together.