1. When you sexile her over the weekend.
“Oh no- I don’t mind at all! I’ll crash on Jenny’s floor. Seriously, it’s totally fine. You have fun. I’ll just brush my teeth tomorrow.”
2. When you sexile her every weekday, too.
“For sure don’t worry about it. I’ll go to the common room again. Yeah, it’s totally fine. I swear I actually prefer sleeping on stained cushions in fluorescent lighting.”
3. When you push together her bed and your bed to make a king for yourself.
“Oh that’s cool. Looks like you’ll have a lot of room to stretch out at night. Our room looks so cute! Thanks for redecorating. I’ll, um, continue to sleep in the common room.”
4. When you host a mixer with a UMass fraternity in your room.
“I hope you guys are having a good time! Oh yeah, I don’t need my laptop anymore. Tell them to take anything. Could you save me one of the brownies my mom baked me, though? Actually never mind- that was rude of me. Help yourselves!”
5. When you hookup with her boyfriend.
“I really don’t mind. Seriously, you guys are super cute together. Anyway, am I being too loud? Can you hear my music through my headphones? So sorry!”
6. When you start wearing all of her clothes.
“Oh wow my new sweater looks so great on you! I’m sorry I haven’t done my laundry in a couple of days. My things are such a mess! I’ll do laundry today to clean up, and that way you’ll also have a new outfit for tomorrow.”
7. When you burn all of her objects of sentimental value.
“It’s totally fine- I didn’t really need that final note from my ailing father anyway. I’m surprised you didn’t use it as rolling paper earlier! It’s totally not a big deal; I like sharing!”
8. When you insult her grandma.
“Agreed- my grandma was being a total bitch this weekend. I’m so sorry she wanted to see our room. I’ll make sure she never bothers you again!”
9. When you start charging her rent.
“So nice of you not to hike up the price this month! Best roommate ever!”
10. When you evict her.
“Oh yeah I completely understand. I am the worst to live with. So sorry! Yeah, you keep my things. Thats totally fine.”