Ask the Annoying Alum Who Wants To Stay With You For Homecoming

alum

Dear Annoying Alum Who Wants To Stay With Me For Homecoming,

The dude who sits next to me in my Sonic Architecture class keeps trying to cheat off me whenever there’s an in-class test. I know I should just be an adult and say something to him, but I’m really afraid of making it awkward. What’s the best way to handle the situation?

Miserable in Music

Dear Miserable,

Omg heyyyy! How are you? You have to tell me everything that’s happened this semester. Isn’t senior year crazy??? Enjoy it while you can, I’m like, sooooo jealous. Being a real person sucks lol.


Dear Annoying Alum Who Wants To Stay With Me For Homecoming,

Lately I’ve just been feeling really down. I’m not interested in any of my old hobbies, I hardly ever want to hang out with friends anymore, and I’m just generally dissatisfied with my college experience. Am I just in a rut, or should I seek professional help?

–Worried in Weiland

Dear Worried,

So super random question: would it be okay if I crashed on your air mattress Friday/Saturday? I’ve missed you like cray and it would be awesome to catch up with you 😘. Also do you know if Ben still sells adderall?


Dear Annoying Alum Who Wants To Stay With Me For Homecoming,

My boyfriend has been moody and possessive lately, and I’m not sure why. He’s always been a bit of a jealous guy, but it’s getting to the point where he hates it whenever I hang out with my guy friends! I’m glad he cares, but how do I let him know that this is not okay?

–Peeved in Plimpton

Dear Peeved,

Also, kosher or no to maybe have the room to myself for a little bit Saturday night? Not for too long obviously lol. Who are all the hot freshmen this year? Btw it still wasn’t me who threw up in your bean boots during Crossett Christmas.


Dear Annoying Alum Who Wants To Stay With Me For Homecoming,

I just got out of long-term relationship, but I already want to start dating again. I’m back on Tinder, but I feel a little grimy doing it so soon. Should I wait a little while to let the dust settle, or should I just hop back into things?

-Torn on Tinder

Dear Torn,

None of your suitemates are allergic to dogs, right? lol. Baxter’s v excited to meet new people 🐶. He’s just been dewormed but Cindy has his antibiotics so it should be chill. Also can Cindy come too? She gets sooo drunk, you’ll love her. Anyway, my flight gets into Bradley at 3 AM, we’ll see you then!

The Annoying Alum Who Wants To Stay With You For Homecoming is a regular contributor to the Amherst Muck-Rake. Her column appears on alternate Thursdays.

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