NARPs Purchase Uniforms in Response to Excess Sports Team Apparel


AMHERST, Ma— With Amherst’s Student/Athlete divide growing larger and larger each day, one group of inactive individuals hatched a plan to level the social playing field. The NARPs (Non-Athletic Regular People) took to the textile factories in an attempt to replicate an athlete’s typical wardrobe.

“Fitting in can be hard to do without a team,” remarked Kay Fiedler ’17 in her new purple and white Nike sweatshirt. “But with NARP gear like this, conformity is way easier than playing intramurals or joining a club.”

The student behind the NGI (NARP Gear Initiative) is none other than Cute Fashion Design and Trendy Style History major, Regina Connors ’16. “On Wednesdays we wear purple,” she scoffed when asked about the layout of her new movement. “Not only does the apparel look great but it also serves as the perfect cover. When I walk into Val wearing sweatpants with my hair looking awful, people will assume I’m coming straight from practice. Or when I wear my athletic shirt to parties, guys might not be able to read my shirt, but they will instantly assume I’m on a team.”

The results of the NGI have been extensive. Val is even more saturated with purple, white, black, and even strange camouflage. So a note to all athletes, watch out where you sit at your next meal because that table riddled with hoodies, backwards hats, and polyester-lycra T-shirts might not contain any athletes at all.