Study: Students Unable to Differentiate Between Fireball and Actual Cinnamon

confused student

Amherst, MA – According to newly released research, after an average of 1.3 years in school, or midway through their sophomore year, students are no longer able to distinguish between the exceedingly different smells of cinnamon and Fireball whiskey.

The study, which looked at a cohort of Amherst College students alongside a control group of normal citizens, employed a variety of samples containing one of the two signature scents. Fireball’s distinctive smell, described by one control as “nasally offensive”, was easily identified by both groups. However, a majority of the student group identified samples including a cinnamon-scented candle and freshly baked apple pie as “mild Fireball”.

Dr. Lisa Schaeffer, who conducted the study, was perturbed by the results. “We expected some degree of confusion between the two scents, since most of these students are what we might clinically refer to as ‘alcoholic’,” she acknowledged. “However, we were surprised by the sheer magnitude of students who forgot the word for cinnamon, which is literally the most common household spice, and substituted Fireball, which is a pretty gross brand of whiskey.”

Undeterred by the findings, Amherst students continue to consume the popular alcohol, apparently enjoying the fact that it tastes like cinnamon if it were was dipped in uranium and set aflame.