Feel Old Yet? Class of 2019 Too Young to Remember When You Vomited Outside Crossett

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Yup, you’re getting old. If you don’t believe us, get this: this 2015’s crop of first-years is too young to remember that time you vomited outside of Crossett!


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When asked if they remember that night, where you tried to climb onto the ledge outside Pond and sprained your ankle before emptying the contents of your stomach, the students of the class of 2019 gave us nothing but blank stares!

That means the volatile, textured mix of General Tso’s chicken and Pink Lemonade Rubinoff that you flung out of your system right on the social quad doesn’t even ring a bell for these kids!

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And even though every Senior knows every excruciating detail about the nasty break-up with Jessica you tried to overcome by chugging jungle juice to the beat of Lil’ Jon and the Eastside Boyz, the first-years all remain blissfully unaware!

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In fact, even though your acquaintances from orientation, Jessica, and half the women’s lacrosse team avoids eye contact with you in Val, the Class of 2019 hasn’t even been here long enough to know why that bridge should be burned!

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What’s even crazier is that none of them can recall the vivid image of semi-liquefied chocolate chip cookie chunks escaping your esophagus and filtering through the fire-escape’s wrought-iron lattice flooring!

Or Zoom, on PBS! Remember that show?

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Wow! Don’t you just feel ancient?