Subject: Shopping Amherst College Yesterday
Dear (Professor?) Biddy Martin,
I really appreciated attending / shopping Amherst College yesterday. It seems like a lot of students are interested in this school- I couldn’t believe how packed the room was on the first day! Great job! Despite the heat and discomfort of our meeting space, my time spent here was extremely pleasant and comfortable. The topics covered in your school seem truly engaging, interdisciplinary, critical, analytical, vague and useless. I mean, I was a little bit confused about the trajectory of your school, in general, and maybe would have liked to see a syllabus that explicitly stated the goals and some future assignments of Amherst College. A lot of aspects of the school (i.e. dorms, social life, mascot, air conditioning, etc.) seem all over the place, but I’m sure as a reputable, tenured instructor, you must have some sense of what’s going to happen, right?
Anyway, although I enjoyed, feel very passionate about, and pre-registered to come to your school, I will not be returning for the remainder of the semester due to scheduling difficulties. I’m also just not that interested, to be honest. However, I would love to come back another semester (but probably not because that would be kind of awkward). In addition, I plan to shop some other schools in the New England area and would appreciate any suggestions. Have you heard anything about Williams College as a school? I’m trying really hard to get into that school. Maybe you can recommend me to attend Williams College instead? Thank you so much for your help. Also, I apologize for showing up pretty late and dipping out so much earlier than you would have liked. I swear I had a crucial meeting with my advisor and, like, a lot of other important places to be. I promise to avoid eye contact and all greetings with you in the future. Best of luck for the start of the year.
U.S. Supreme Court Justice Sonia Sotomayor