GAP Denounces GAP

“Unnecessary and Wasteful”
no one at queer prom but the dj was good I hear

Amherst, MA — Following last night’s GAP (Gay Amherst Party) entitled “Queer Prom,” GAP (Green Amherst Project) issued a statement denouncing the efforts as “unnecessary, wasteful, and unsustainable.”

“Were you there? Did you see the glitter? That stuff doesn’t just come off. You really have to kind of just pick each individual piece off one at a time,” added GAP member Trevor Dickey ’16. “And even then, it sticks to your fingers—anyway, what I’m saying is, these GAP practices affect the environment long after they’re through.”

Many GAP-affliated students found themselves in agreement.

“It’s absolutely unsustainable, and totally unnecessary,” said queer activist and GAP-organizer April Torres ‘18 in regards to the press statement. “We already have one GAP on campus, another GAP is redundant, wasteful, and frankly hypocritical. If such practices continue, who knows how many GAPs we will have. 3? 4? even 5, maybe.”

“The Amherst social ecosystem can’t keep pace,” Torres concluded.

The issue was not without debate, however, as some students found themselves unable to take sides.

“I think I agree?” said Environmental Studies major and QRC staff member Edgar Paelmann ’17. “Definitely, uh, the GAP raises some issues that the GAP needs to address. What was the question again?”

At press time members of the GAP were reportedly teaming up with other GAP members in a joint statement applauding GAP’s commitment to bringing people together and offering quality slacks at an affordable price.