Philosophy Major Cites “Intricate Ethical Theory” to Justify Stealing Val Mugs


Amherst, MA — “Look, it all comes down to Wittgenstein,” said Valerie Sanchez ’16. “I mean what if we are all just brains floating in vats? I’m the only person who exists and everybody else is just a super intricate robot, but they don’t have consciousness, so…you know…they don’t even care that there aren’t enough mugs in Val…”

“AND maybe I don’t even exist. So, like, I can’t even be taking the mug. No wait, there is no mug!” Sanchez concluded, in front of her PHIL 310: Ethics and Society class.

“Thank you for that eloquent comment,” said Professor Alexander George, sipping coffee out of a white mug with a blue ring around it, which he got “at a yard sale.”