1. “Do we have to talk about your thesis right now?”
Thesis writers are drowning in pressure and deadlines! Can’t you just let your friend let off some steam?
2. “How is your thesis going? Are you managing OK?”
This is literally the worst. Just because you’re writing a thesis doesn’t mean you want to talk about it.
3. “Please check-out books. Don’t just take them from the library.”
If thesis writers had a page of their thesis for every time they heard this one, they’d have an enormously-sized thesis.
4. “Shouldn’t you be citing that 28-page passage you took from Marx’s Das Kapital?”
Is it impossible that two people have the same idea? Besides, Marx wrote in German.
5. “I value your friendship, but I just don’t think we should be seeing each other anymore. You cheated on me, and I just can’t forgive that.”
This drives thesis writers up the wall! It’s incredibly rude to say this when someone is trying to nail down that tricky second chapter.
6. “Dude, you shouldn’t have made PDFs of those books you stole and then uploaded them to the internet. That’s like, a problem.”
Thesis writers know how the internet works, brah.
7. “Things were going so well, and I just wish you hadn’t had to go and sleep with my best friend. And you haven’t even apologized…I just don’t understand.”
Apologize for what??? Trying to be a good student???
8. “Can you stay behind for a minute before your next class? I need to chat with you about something. There’s no easy way to say this…You need to change your clothes. You’ve been wearing them every class session this week, and the smell is disrespectful to your classmates. Frankly it makes it difficult to lecture.”
This one just makes thesis writers want to weep and then die.
9. “Oxford University Press hereby informs you that unauthorized copying and/or distribution of its books, including Lucy’s Secret Reindeer & The Law & Practice of International Banking, constitutes a violation of the U.S. Copyright Act, 17 U.S.C. 106. For this reason, request is hereby made that you immediately and permanently cease uploading these materials to your website, quickstudyhackz.com.”
Lucy’s Secret Reindeer? Seriously? What’s that got to do with my thesis?
10. “No. Absolutely Not.”
It’s ridiculous that you wouldn’t get back together with a thesis writer, just because he slept with your best friend.
11. “We’ve rescheduled three times. You need to come to your thesis meeting tomorrow, with a completed chapter.”
Cool it. Jesus.
12. “This chapter of your thesis is exactly the same as Marx’s Das Kapital. You didn’t even translate it. I can’t let you submit this to the department until you cite it properly. Jesus, what is that smell?”
Not even thesis advisers understand.