“Oh, It’s Snowing Again,” Reports Shell of a Person


AMHERST, Ma — Noticing renewed snowfall today, Chapman resident and hollowed-out human Bo Walker ’17 made reference of this fact to his roommate.

“Yep, it is definitely snowing. Quite a bit, looks like quite a bit. Better get my boots,” remarked the empty vessel, by now stripped of both humanity and will to live.

Staring out into the window as though it were the abyss of his own soul, Bo also noted the greyness of the unfeeling skies: “Skies are pretty grey today.”

Looking for his misplaced Canada Goose, he briefly contemplated walking out into the snow and burying his exposed flesh beneath the blinding whiteness.

“Oh, here it is,” Walker ’17 said, happening upon both his jacket and the realization that the nightmare of eternal recurrence may indeed be reality.

At presstime, Bo’s roommate Tucker Weinstein ’17—expressing at once an enormous amount of existential dread and a feeling of utter nothingness, the snow accumulation representing his accumulating desire to end this barren existence—agreed.