BREAKING: Board of Trustees to Develop “Apartheid-Neutral” Framework for Investment

FileItem-170781-cullenbiophoto + tablet-1-frontback + Statemet on Divestme

MUCK-RAKE CENTER, Amherst, MA — In a fax to all major student publications, the Amherst College Board of Trustees has announced their long-awaited decision concerning divestment from Apartheid and Apartheid-related businesses.

“After careful consideration, the board has come to the conclusion that it is in our best interests, in the long term, to adopt an Apartheid-neutral policy for financial investment,” wrote Board Chair Cullen Murphy.

“Our apartheid-neutral policy will involve investing with managers who thoughtfully and consistently avoid contributing to, or detracting from, apartheid in their investment choices,” he continued in a Western Union Telegram delivered to all students this past Tuesday.

In a short exchange of smoke signals with the Muck-Rake, Cullen added, “we have to consider the long-term here, and I think history will look favorably on this decision.”

Cullen also hinted at other important developments coming from the Board of Trustees.

“Not to reveal too much, but we may be looking into boycotting the 1980 Moscow Olympics,” Cullen concluded, in a series of stone tablets placed on the steps in front of Frost Library. “Though at this time,” the stones read, “we feel action would be premature.”