My Body Is Beautiful Week Participant Gives Up Carbs, Sugar, Dairy, Transfats, Gluten, Red Meat, Fish, For Lent


Amherst, MA — Born-again Christian and #MBIBW participant Andy Beller ’16 announced Wednesday that, in order to repent for his sins and return his life to Jesus Christ, he would be giving up all foods that contained carbohydrates, sugar, trans fats, gluten, red meat, and fish, for Lent.

“I’m doing this for my number one man, JC, and the whole dessert thing,” Beller commented this afternoon from an elliptical in the Alumni Gymnasium. “Yes, I happen to be going to Cancun in 23 days with my friends for Spring Break, but it’s My Body Is Beautiful Week AND it’s Lent, so I’m not worrying about how this bod might look on Facebook or Instagram—it’s not the body, it’s the soul, man. C’mon.”

Three and a half hours later, upon returning from the gym, Beller’s roommate asked him if he wanted to get ashes.

“Ashes?” Beller replied. “That’s a type of polyunsaturated fat, right? Listen, unless it’s a superfood, I’m giving it up for Lent. Sorry. But I think it’s really great that you’re not worrying about any of that. You’re perfect the way you are, bro!”