Campus Republicans Lead Campaign for White Ice Awareness


AMHERST, Ma. – Following warnings from administrators to be cautious of black ice, the Amherst College Republicans issued a press statement announcing their intention to start a white ice awareness campaign.

“We feel like white ice has been underrepresented in campus communications, publications, and general sentimentation. We demand a re-evaluation of this misrepresentation lest we suffer the devaluation of a large population of this fine campus nation,” read the statement released in the wake of rampant ice risks.

The campaign, the statement went on, “will encourage student awareness to the dangers of white ice, which also poses some risk of slipping.”

Whereas black ice typically poses far greater risks because of its limited visibility on pavement, white ice can provide its own unique challenges—namely, its tendency to be both cold and wet and the same time, and its capacity to make socks soggy.

“This is ridiculous,” junior ACVoice contributor Henrietta Greenwood declared in an email correspondence with the Muck-Rake. “Everyone sees white ice. Everyone knows about white ice. Heck, we usually just call it ‘ice.’ And that’s the problem right there.”

“To all the naysayers,” campus Republican representative Stephen Broadstott wrote in a 250-word Facebook status update, “I would just like to point out that white ice is actually the biggest cause of slips and falls. And no, this isn’t some kind of white-black race thing. That would be juvenile and dumb.”