FROST LIBRARY, Amherst, MA — Students with pure, untainted hearts were ecstatic today when Frost Library unveiled its new collection of books that can only be seen through eyes unburdened by visions of sins long past.
“We polled hundreds of students before we introduced them to the main library, and they all said they could see the books,” said Michael Kelley, Head of Archives and Special Collections at Frost Library. “We have confidence that Amherst Students are free of unclean thoughts or inclinations toward wickedness.”
“Those who believe in the magic of reading will find it at their fingertips,” he added.
When asked of her opinion of the new collection, Sandra McGovernor ’18 had this to say: “Yeah, I like that one,” she said, gesturing to a book written in Chinese but perceptible only to those who sleep soundly, fearing no evil. When asked if she could read Chinese, she added: “Just kidding, but I can totally see them, if that’s what you’re asking. That’s what you’re asking, right?”
One student, Ronald Brown ’15, opposed the new collection. “I can’t see them,” he said, probably while looking around for something to steal, “I don’t think anyone else can either.”
At the time of this writing, he has been referred to the campus psychologist so that she may reveal what evil lays dormant in his soul.