Consider a very bad day. There is a paper due tomorrow. A few hundred pages of reading ahead of you tonight. A problem set has been assigned, but the solutions seem
out of reach of any mind that isn’t communicating directly with a calculator. You will do it all, but to what end? Even more, is this condition not a preview, a taste, a harbinger of suffering to come for all your life?
If someone afflicted by these gnawing questions was standing on the edge of a tall building and I could have only one attempt at giving him something worth living for, I would give him Grab-N-Go’s Bacon Avocado Sandwich. The pain of the human condition is nothing compared to the joy of the sweet and savory flavor of this magnificent food, available every other Monday. Who can willingly move on into the next life when they know that they may only be assured of Bacon Avocado in this one?
I know what you’re thinking. “What do I do from Tuesday until Sunday, when the manifestations of God’s presence on earth are gone, and my lamentations echo from the mountaintops?” The answer: Memory and anticipation. Memory of the utter orgiastic combinations of flavor, intermingled with pleasure of this meaty, creamy manna, and burning anticipation of the following Monday, when the experience repeats, giving life meaning once more, providing psychic fuel for the week to come. Live, if only for another Bacon Avocado Sandwich. I know my purpose in life. Do you?
Bacon avocado, how great thou art! So sings my soul, oh bacon avocado, to thee! When every crunchy morsel of this sandwich that is masticated and metabolized, what more is there? What desires may one possess in life, that bacon avocado cannot fulfill? What could a man fear, with the bacchanalian experience of the cream and crunch combined fresh in his mind? Not death, certainly.
The cessation of the unbearable pleasure of this sandwich will make you long for the embrace of your god, for nothing else on earth may compare. After the last swallow, with the smoky bacon taste fresh in your mind, an emptiness will begin to seep in. The speed with which it passes through the digestive system to be flushed off into the possession of soulless treatment plant bureaucrats is indicative of the feeble, fickle flame which burns within us: a light which beats back the darkness of inexorable time, only to burn out, leaving no memory of it’s shine, gone into a place where no man may follow. The light burns strongest when the taste buds are invigorated by the breathtaking spread of tangy avocado across the tongue, and this point is the perfect end. Do not let the light fade. Burn brightly, embrace your end, bite into a Bacon Avocado sandwich, and charge headlong into oblivion!