Toilet Paper Shortage Ravages Campus

James Third Floor Stall

SECOND FLOOR BATHROOM OF GARMAN, Amherst, MA. – The Amherst College campus was rocked Tuesday morning by news that enchilada night at Val had created a dire toilet paper shortage in all campus restrooms.

“Most bathrooms are already empty,” reported a desperate Kathleen Radke ’17.

In an all-school email, Environmental Health & Safety Manager Richard Mears advised students, faculty, and staff that the College would begin rationing toilet paper with Grab-N- Go meals. Students in need of additional resources are advised to “make use of local restaurants or the early Autumn foliage,” said Mears.