Anarchy Reigns as Presidential Crisis Continues

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AMHERST, Ma. — Students across campus were surprised today when reminded that the AAS still lacked a president. The presidential crisis and uncertainty has been in effect since the newly-elected Judiciary Committee over-turned the decision of their predecessors, thus nullifying the election of Amani Ahmed ’15.

“I’ve actually been pretty content with the way we’ve been settling funding and policy disputes thus far,” said one student. “And by that I mean, of course, in the Thunderdome.”

The Thunderdome, an expansive metallic sphere built from the wreckage of the Plaza and Waldorf dormitories, has been the primary method through which students have sought to settle debates with their peers and even administration.

“I didn’t believe it would really work until Hans Caldwell ’16 challenged [former Director of Student Activities] Dean Fatemi,” the student added. “May she rest in peace.”

For the Class of 2018, the Thunderdome remains the primary way in which to address grievances in the lack of an effective AAS and presidency. The main appeal for student participants is the permanence of all Thunderdome decisions, embodied in its single-phrase constitution: “Two may enter, one may leave.”

Several more high-profile disputes are set to take place in “The ‘Dome,” including a showdown between “Frat Champion” Les Bainbridge ’15 and a representative of the Board of Trustees. As well, students anticipate a resolution to the long-fought battle between La Causa, the student organization dedicated to raising awareness of Latino issues, and La Casa, the Latino cultural house.

“There can only be one,” grunted former AAS Vice President and La Casa champion Juan Gabriel Delgado Montes ’16 while sharpening what looked to be a spear. “Two may enter, one may leave.”

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