“Amherst Won’t See a Dime From Me,” Announces Brash, Penniless Student

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AMHERST, Ma. – Promising not to give “a dime” of his expected earnings, broke political science major Brendan Mann ’15 posted a Facebook status last evening in solidarity with fraternity protests.

Though he has no wealth or career at the moment, Mann guaranteed in no uncertain terms that he is an insufferable prick who will not give whatever money he does manage to come across to the College.

“I may be coasting off my parent’s wealth right now, but once I get my own money, oh boy—look out Amherst… for nothing, that is,” the presumptuous junior’s status continued. “You’ve pissed off the wrong person in the future, when I will have money, by pissing me off now.”

“Money is easy to get and I will have a lot of it,” the douchebag concluded.

At press time, financial scouts from Goldman Sachs were reportedly impressed by Mann’s “audacity”: “I think there’s a future for this overly confident asshole on Wall Street.”

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