Student Activist Goes on One-Night Hunger Strike

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VALENTINE HALL, Amherst, Ma. – In the wake of recent administrative scandals, student activist Amy Graham ’14 announced a hunger strike immediately upon entering Val this evening.

“I saw a line for jambalaya and just hit my breaking point. I’ve had it up to here with this bullshit!” she told reporters. “How long will I go? Who knows. Maybe until Chicken Wing Bar. Maybe all the way until Kielbasa night. Maybe until this administration shapes the fuck up!”

Some have questioned Graham’s commitment to her hunger strike. Predicted Mindy Baxter ’14, self-identified “friend” of Graham’s, “she’ll totally be at Scwhemm’s later.”

“All I know,” concluded Graham to an astonished front-room audience, “is that we don’t know the real reason for Larimore’s resignation, and that nothing tastes as good as not eating blackened catfish feels.”