Winter Carnival Fire Dancer to Serve as Interim Dean of Students

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AMHERST, Ma. – In an abrupt administrative shakeup, President Martin announced today that the position of Interim Dean of Students will be filled by the fire dancer from yesterday’s Winter Carnival event. The appointment was met by overwhelming approval from the student body, which greeted the announcement with alternating cheers of “Oooooooh!” and “Aaaaaaaah!” According to Martin, the man was selected on the basis that he “has experience dealing with large crowds of students, is conveniently already on the Amherst College payroll, and has been known to play with fire.”