Student Prepares for Stupid Provincial American Christmas

Screen shot 2013-12-23 at 12.47.37 PMEVANSTON, Il. – Emily Gill ’15 recently returned to Illinois after a semester abroad in Paris, and has reportedly spent the last three weeks enduring her family’s mundane American home life.

After fifteen weeks in the French capital, Gill feels that she has become a “true Parisienne” with an affinity for classical art, haute couture, and fine wine—things her small-town parents just don’t understand. “The French just have a certain sense of class, this je ne sais quois,” Gill explained, employing a phrase she picked up during her time in Paris. “It makes it hard to stomach all these Americans with their green bean casseroles and their light-up reindeer. So gauche.”

“I don’t understand how they live like this,” Gill continued. “It’s like, my parents don’t even know the difference between macaroons and macarons.”

Since returning home, Gill has spent much of her free time smoking cigarettes, listening to the music of obscure French singer Carla Bruni, and wrinkling her nose at her parents’ Hamburger Helper dinners. Recently, with the holiday season in full swing, Gill has been feeling the lack of culture even more acutely.

“I mean, if there isn’t a nice Bordeaux at Christmas dinner, I might just get up and leave,” Gill reported before glancing over at her parents, who were taking pictures of each other wearing Santa hats and enjoying a family game of Monopoly. “But I get it, they’re trying. All things considered, they’re really doing the best they can.”