MUCK-RAKE ELECTION CENTER – AAS presidential candidate George Tepe ’14 scored a major political coup this morning with reports that the Amherst College junior has secured the endorsement of senior Alex Propp’s hair.
“After careful thought and deep consideration, my choice is clear,” Propp’s hair told reporters during a media gathering in King 320. “We need a candidate of substance who knows how to keep it smooth in front but just a little rough around the edges while remaining non-partisan. That candidate is Tepe.”
Propp’s hair noted this would be its first political endorsement, saying it had considered Romney Borsellino in 2011 but had refrained from a statement at the urging of his uncommitted host.
“We’re proud to have the support of such a prominent Amherst figure,” said Tepe and his hair in a responsive press release. “Alex Propp’s hair is one of the most outsized and voluptuous personalities on this campus, and we’re glad to have him on board.”
Propp’s hair said he was excited by the prospect of Tepe as AAS president, noting that Tepe’s hair and itself had “hit it off” in previous meetings and closely identified on a number of matters. “We commiserated over how our hosts always seem to be keeping us from getting laid,” said Propp’s hair as it sighed and rolled its eyes. The hair spoke with reporters while Propp was asleep.
Propp and his hair have suffered strained relations in the past several months. Propp has struggled with the news that his hair is bi-curious, while his hair, which traces its roots to Plymouth Colony, was stunned to learn in February that Propp is partially Jewish.