CHICAGO – More stressful moments at Badri campaign headquarters late Thursday as national polls indicated that the race for AAS president had narrowed markedly, with Will Savino coming within four points of Shruthi Badri and likely preventing the first-year challenger from reaching the 50% threshold needed to avoid a runoff.
Staff reportedly cowered behind MacBooks at the West Loop Badri nerve-center, struggling to put a positive spin on the new information as the candidate unleashed rhetorical vollies and campaign-logoed beer mugs at Badri Media Director Dan Barbale. “Fuck you, Dan!” Badri shouted as a staffer ran for cover. “You let Pizza Boy fucking walk all over us? Maybe you could spend half as much effort on this presidential race as you do on picking up interns!”
“Shit!” continued Badri. “If I’d known you’d needed a pair, I would’ve lent you two of mine!”