AMHERST, Ma. – The headquarters of the Savino campaign filled with boisterous applause Wednesday morning as news arrived that the vaguely Italian native of Buffalo, New York had received the all-important endorsement of the Multicultural Resource Center.
“After a rigorous analysis of the genealogies of the three candidates, it was determined that William has the best chance of understanding issues of race, gender, and culture at Amherst College,” read the memo.
The memo went on to praise Mr. Savino for his single Italian relative, a great uncle by the name of Giovanni Del Savino, an importer/exporter from the quaint city of Vicenza, in the northeast part of the country. Mr. Del Savino shares a direct bloodline with the otherwise “vanilla white” candidate and improvisation comedian.
In contrast, the memo reported that the other two male candidates for the all-powerful position of Student Body President shared a common descendant, a third officer on the 1620 Mayflower voyage.
According to campaign spokesman Laurence Pevsner ’14, Mr. Savino is “practically best friends” with the Italian small-businessman, but also noted that the humbled scholar shared several Black and Hispanic friends, in addition to a few female interests. ”Will doesn’t see people as black or white. His multi-ethnic, multi-national heritage speaks to that.”
Opponent George Tepe ’14 refuted the memo, noting that although the genealogical investigations into his own heritage were accurate, his hair shared a different bloodline that traced back to a completely different species.