AMHERST, Ma. – Discovery Communications announced Wednesday that James Larimore, the itinerant dean of students and celebrity host of the hit TLC show “Dean of Mean,” will shoot his next episode at Amherst College, “storming” the beleaguered school this April for a “top-to-bottom power-cleaning that takes this dry, sexist hellhole from worst to first.”
Larimore will arrive on campus mid- to late April, depending on production schedules, and will spend four to six days dispensing his famous brand of “brutally honest tough love” as dean of students. ”I don’t think there’s a man, woman, or child on Earth who doesn’t think this place needs some serious turning-around,” said Larimore. ”But from my first day with the team, I’ll hit the ground running to make this college an ‘A-plus’ institution.”
The critically acclaimed college administrator said he looked forward to working with the college staff. ”I’m excited to get to know Biddy, Cullen, Charri, and the whole Amherst gang,” said Larimore. ”Of course, after the first day, they may not be saying the same thing about me.”
“I’m not here to make friends,” Larimore added.
The past year has been tough for tight-knit Amherst, a quaint liberal-arts school just 130 miles from Manhattan. With its management errors and a few bad breaks, including a beer-pong blow-up, a frat fashion faux pas, and a rape crisis, applications are down and faculty say they are not sure how much longer they can hold out before admitting Five College students into Sarat courses. Tensions piqued just last week, when political science professor Thomas L. Dumm attempted to fight the whole football team and English professor Barry O’Connell called him “a bitch,” a moment TLC crews caught on tape.
“After that D-III debacle,” said Larimore, “I knew I had to handle this.”
Larimore says he plans to teach the staff organizational management, effective alcohol-regulation strategies, and a delicious, easy couscous customers will love.
Amherst administrators said they were pleased to welcome the media personality. ”It’s just great to get to work with Mr. Larimore,” said Amherst President Carolyn “Biddy” Martin. ”I know he’ll be tough, but I just hope he gives us the chance to get back on our feet.”
A teary-eyed Martin continued, “Without him, I don’t know how we were ever going to turn this thing around.”
The episode will air July 21 at 9 p.m. Eastern (8 p.m. Central), after “Say Yes to the Dress.”