Study: All Your Amherst Friends Posting GPA or Vacation Destination as Facebook Status, Like Dicks

Tyler Alessi '15, Dick

PUNTA CANA, Dominican Republic – A report by the Amherst College Office of Institutional Research has determined that all of your Amherst friends are currently listing either their fall-semester grade-point averages or their current winter-break vacation destinations as their Facebook statuses, depending upon which is greater.  “I think a 4.0 entitles me to sleep in during break!” wrote Alyssa Kama ’16, garnering seven “likes” from friends and the replies “awesome” and “genus” from relatives.  The full-sentence nature of her posting contrasted with the succinctness of that by Ben Weiss ’14, whose announcement “Vail – who’s here?” earned 14 likes and four replies, including a purported apology from fellow junior soccer player Jory Brennan, who lamented that he was “killin the Med[iterranean]” aboard his grandfather’s yacht, “Tack Dodge.”