EDITOR’S NOTE: BY REQUEST OF THE SUBJECT, A PHOTOGRAPH OF DEAN FATEMI HAS BEEN REPLACED BY AN ARTIST’S RENDERING OF HER LIKENESS.
AMHERST, Ma. – Unabatedly livid Amherst College administrator Hannah Fatemi said she “welcomed the opportunity” to discuss the school’s proposed Keefe Campus Center reorganization after it was rejected in a student referendum. ”I am pleased to have the chance to work with our students to craft a more broadly popular alternative,” said the apoplectic assistant dean of students. Acknowledging the proposal’s 161-308 loss in the non-binding referendum, the virtually deranged Fatemi offered to “work hand in hand” with interested students to “assuage their valid concerns.” ”I want to thank all those who let their voices be heard in this student-initiated survey,” added the dean, unmitigated fury coursing through her veins. ”Any opportunity for student engagement is a pleasure.”