Cockroach Sleeps in Puddle of Jizz in Between Cushions of a MoPratt Couch, Football Player/Cockroach Centaurs Emerge

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They prefer to eat food scraps from the back room only.

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Trio of Hopeful Freshmen Embark on Quest to Find the Missing Social Scene of Amherst

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The brave band of visionaries reportedly sought to save Amherst from the Swarthmore-like Spell that had fallen over campus after the Social Scene vanished mysteriously over the summer. Winston Kimberly, a third-generation legacy with a lovable lisp, claimed that “the Social Scene is in, like, another dimension and no one believes us but we’ll totally be heroes when we prove everyone wrong and get it back!” By press time, all three had transferred to Dartmouth.